Heybabeimwearingurpanties
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
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