people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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