just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I want to fling myself into the sun
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize