good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
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