the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
