wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
