Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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