I think scott just propositioned me for sex
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
