I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Randomize
