Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Randomize
