Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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