im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
