I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize