i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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