I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
