Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Randomize
