what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
