idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
how does that bad decision feel?
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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