my sisters under your porch take her home
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
