So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
