I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
