I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
