alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
