I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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