we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
