Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
they're like a gay fantastic four
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
