we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
