What a fucking waste of an outfit
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
