hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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