I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
3pm strippers are depressing
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
