so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
