I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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