k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
