i think my mom watched the whole time
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
