i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
