man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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