Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Randomize
