margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
