Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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