There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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