I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize