Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize