That's when you crack a 10am beer
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
