My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
