she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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