it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Randomize
