I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
