alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
