Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
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