yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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