This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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