i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
