I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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