I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
