On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
