U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
