I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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