Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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