I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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