1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Randomize
