youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
3pm strippers are depressing
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
