Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
