the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
