Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
high people should be assigned attendants
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
