Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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