Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
The air taste purple.
Randomize
