hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
