Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
