butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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