i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize