im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
