im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
