I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
no, he came in my armpit
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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