you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
